Selfish

I am selfish.

All I wanted to do tonight was run. I neglected to get up this morning when I should have. I put myself in a position where I would have to run in the evening if it was going to happen at all.

I made a mistake. I let my desire to run ruin my evening. I wish I could adequately describe how I felt. All day it was on my mind. My thoughts were elsewhere all night. My children needed me and it irritated me. I found everything they needed to be a chore. My wife wanted me to watch part of a basketball game that we didn't get to finish last night. Even as I was about to get on the treadmill, my son yells for me from his bedroom, "Dadddddddddd!!!" I just want some "me time." Why cant I just do what I want to do?

As I started on the treadmill and flipped through the channels, I realized what I had done. I had put myself before my family. I had sacrificed my wife and children for what I wanted. I, I, I. I could have held my wife while we finished the basketball game. I could have spent more time with my daughters and helped them with their homework. I could have showed more compassion on my son when he yelled for me from his bedroom. These are wonderful, loving people. It is such a privilege to have a family like I have. Today I treated them as a burden. I was more concerned about what I wanted, than what they needed.

As a Christian I am called to be a servant, "a cheerful giver." Today I chose not to run when I was supposed to and became "a hateful taker." Giving doesn't come natural for me. I have to really concentrate on it. I have to do it on purpose. I'm not talking about giving in hopes to get something in return. I'm talking about giving expecting nothing back. That is when I feel closer to God. He is the ultimate giver. He gave his life. I am so glad he was more concerned with what I needed, instead of what he wanted.

I will get up early in the morning and run so that this won't happen again. I want to serve my family and experience God, not take from them and distance myself from him. I want to run, but not at the expense of the ones I love.

I'm Weird

The alarm went off at 5:00am, I got up, dressed and went outside. This morning it was 17 degrees with a wind chill that made it 2 degrees. Freezing. No...below freezing. I was fine. I knew what the conditions were going to be the night before and laid out my clothes accordingly. I ran my 4 miles and came back inside to the warmth of my home.

During my run God talked to me. He talked a lot. He talked to me about my pace, about being prepared, about protecting myself, about the cold. What really hit home with me today, is that God told me I was weird. Someone today said "I was committed...or at least should be" for running outside this morning. Yeah, I'm weird. Weird for going out in the brutal cold. Weird for waking up before the world gets moving. Weird for doing what others think is not normal.

Weird for following him.

Lately, the fact that I am not normal has been visibly evident. I don't treat people the way the world does, I expect more from my children than the world does, I handle my money with more care than the world does, I love my wife with more devotion than the world does. I'm not perfect. I'm just different.

Honestly, sometimes I just want God to let me be like everyone else. Its so much easier and self-serving to let the world dictate who I am. I see the commercial and think..."If I didn't tithe that could be mine." I come home exhausted and think.."I provide for my family by working 9 & 1/2 hours a day, I shouldn't have to wash the dishes." My kids have some activity after school and I think..."I do everything for them. Cant I have a minute to myself?" Whenever I start to feel that way, he convicts me and shows me how awesome it is to be weird. How awesome is it to give my money to help others? How awesome is it to have a meal every night I come home? How awesome is it to have children that love me so much that they want me to be an active part of their lives?

Getting up while its still dark to run outside in single digit temperatures seems weird to most folks. Trying to live your life by the teachings of Christ seems weird to others.

I like being weird.

I think my kids might be weird too. I sure hope so.

Running Grateful

This morning I woke up and chose to run on the treadmill. It was pretty cold outside and my wife needed to leave early as she was on worship team at our church. I guess it is nice to have a parent at home on a cold morning if the kids need something.

I started on the treadmill and just could not bring myself to get up to a run. I just felt yucky. I began with a brisk 4mph walk and thought that after I warmed up I would be able to run at a 6mph pace. I never got there. I went about 3/4 mile and tried to run..couldn't do it. At mile 1.75 my wife came to the basement and said that she needed to leave but that the car was iced over. That was the end of my "running" for the day. You should have seen me outside in the snow with the temperature below 20 degrees with running shorts and a winter jacket on trying to clean off my wife's car. Funny. Nice looking legs though.

I could complain about not feeling well, not being able to get into a rhythm, being cut short to go outside in the cold, but I will not. All I could think of was....Thank you.

I am so thankful for being able to run. For being able to help my wife. For the chance to care for my children. Thank you. I feel gratitude for the experiences I have had, disappointment at my last race, running in the snow, laughing with my children, getting angry when my kiddos have a bad day at school. Thank you.

All I could think of as I tried to run, was the many blessings God has given me. Yes even trials can be blessings. A lot of the time I don't want the bad stuff to bless me. I would rather gripe about it or just wallow in my own miserableness. But he teaches me so much in the midst of struggle and suffering.

This week I am going to try to run gratefully. Thanking him as I go. Counting my many blessings. Letting him remind me of how much he loves me. Maybe if I do that, I will actually get up on time. Thanking him will be a great reason to wake up early and run.

Footprints

No. This is not a blog about that footprints in the sand poem. If that's what you were expecting, sorry. Personally that story gets on my nerves. Its sort of like the Macarena, you hear it over and over again until you just want to turn the channel. Anyway...

I woke up early this morning to get my run in, but my belly did not cooperate. Curse you Chex Mix!!! The holidays can be so rough on your exercise routine. This morning I was afraid to stray from the house, if you know what I mean. I had only laid out winter running clothes, which meant if I were to run on the treadmill, I would have to go back into my bedroom, root through my drawers, wake up Cathy..... I to save my marriage and lay on the couch for an hour. In order to run today, I would have to do it after work.

Bonus!! It snowed. First real good snow of the season. I love running in the snow. It is so beautiful when everything is covered in white. By the time I got home, we had about 1 & 1/2 inches on the grass. Quickly, I changed into my running gear and headed out. The sidewalks where covered and you could see where people had been walking. Footprints mixed with paw prints. Somebody probably had just walked their dog. There where lots of tracks. So many people had been out enjoying the new fallen snow.

Once I got off the sidewalk in town and onto the shoulder of our city's bypass, I could no longer see the footprints. The county boys had salted the streets and none of the white stuff was to be seen on the main roads or the shoulder. I doubt if anyone would have been out on this busy bypass anyway, especially without a sidewalk. As I came to the end of that road, I could see where snow had blown over the edge of the road just a little bit. Sure enough, there were footprints. You could tell by the distance between the impressions on the ground that these were not walking footprints, but those of a runner. Someone had just been there before me. Running just like me.

We have the story of Christ's birth and his time at the temple when he was pre-teen, then nothing until he began his ministry at the age of thirty. For twenty years God walked among us and told no one who he was. I have often wondered, why? Why keep it a secret? From age 10 to 30 he lived, laughed, cried, and loved incognito. He experienced what it is like to lose a tooth, skin a knee, play games, have a party, lose a loved one. He ate, slept, studied, worked.

No matter what path we are on, someone has gone before us. When we experience something amazing, like the birth of a child, or a job well done, we are not the first. If we are in the midst of sorrow and trials, someone has already been through it. I think that is part of the reason Jesus kept quite. He has been here and done that. I find relief in knowing that he has gone ahead of me and tried the waters. I find comfort in knowing that my savior lived 30 years on this planet and has felt the way I feel. I find peace in knowing that he can speak to me in whatever circumstance I find myself, because he knows where I'm coming from.

I'm glad he has been here before me. Living just like me. Leaving his footprints for me.