Selfish

I am selfish.

All I wanted to do tonight was run. I neglected to get up this morning when I should have. I put myself in a position where I would have to run in the evening if it was going to happen at all.

I made a mistake. I let my desire to run ruin my evening. I wish I could adequately describe how I felt. All day it was on my mind. My thoughts were elsewhere all night. My children needed me and it irritated me. I found everything they needed to be a chore. My wife wanted me to watch part of a basketball game that we didn't get to finish last night. Even as I was about to get on the treadmill, my son yells for me from his bedroom, "Dadddddddddd!!!" I just want some "me time." Why cant I just do what I want to do?

As I started on the treadmill and flipped through the channels, I realized what I had done. I had put myself before my family. I had sacrificed my wife and children for what I wanted. I, I, I. I could have held my wife while we finished the basketball game. I could have spent more time with my daughters and helped them with their homework. I could have showed more compassion on my son when he yelled for me from his bedroom. These are wonderful, loving people. It is such a privilege to have a family like I have. Today I treated them as a burden. I was more concerned about what I wanted, than what they needed.

As a Christian I am called to be a servant, "a cheerful giver." Today I chose not to run when I was supposed to and became "a hateful taker." Giving doesn't come natural for me. I have to really concentrate on it. I have to do it on purpose. I'm not talking about giving in hopes to get something in return. I'm talking about giving expecting nothing back. That is when I feel closer to God. He is the ultimate giver. He gave his life. I am so glad he was more concerned with what I needed, instead of what he wanted.

I will get up early in the morning and run so that this won't happen again. I want to serve my family and experience God, not take from them and distance myself from him. I want to run, but not at the expense of the ones I love.