What if I stumble?

This morning I stumbled.

I left the house prepared for my run. It was a little chilly, but I had the right clothes on. It was 5:00am and pitch black, but I had my reflective gear and my new headlamp so.."no worries". I was pressed for time so I would have to cut my 5 miles down to 4 miles. I'm off tomorrow so I can always add an extra mile on Wednesday. Everything about my run was fairly normal. Nothing out of the ordinary. The weather was fine, my body and mind felt fine, I was doing a route I have done in the dark over a hundred times, probably more.

My new headlamp is the most powerful light I have ever run with. It has three settings; bright, sunburn, and retinal disintegration. I can see everything with it, on most days. Today I was caught off guard. As I was about 1/2 mile from home, on a normal stride, my right foot struck against something along the shoulder of the road. I didn't see it. Even with this floodlight on my forehead, it came out of nowhere. I have no idea what it was, but I almost bit the pavement. Any passer-by probably got a kick out of watching me try to keep my balance and remain in rhythm. I barely escaped disaster on the side of the by-pass.

I have fallen while running before, twice. Each time I wiped out just feet from my house. The first time I fell, I ripped my new running pants and bloodied my knees. The second time I fell I used my gloved hands to absorb the impact. I hit the ground rolled on to my side and got up with bruised, scraped hands and a sore side.

The real question is not will I stumble, but what will I do once I am on the ground. You see, I am positive I will fall again. I am sure it will hurt. I am sure there will be some visible damage, maybe even a little blood. No matter how prepared I am, no matter how cautious I am, I just know it will happen. I also know, that I will take my lumps, get up, and keep going.

Last year was a "year of jubilee" for my household. 2011, we believe, will be a "year of testing". So far....It has been. Everywhere I look I see obstacles in my path. Every aspect of my life has it's stumbling blocks. Every member of my family has something major to work through. Every day something thing comes out of nowhere and tries to trip us up. My concern is not "Is my God big enough for what life throws at me?" but "What if I stumble in the midst of the trial?" Will I make it? Can I get up and keep going?

I may stumble. I may not. God showed me today that I need to keep focused. I need to keep in stride. I need to keep my light shining. I need to keep being prepared. I need to get rid of worry. I need to take what pops up in my path, hit it, and struggle to regain my balance while continuing to move forward. And if the time comes when I do stumble...when I do fall....his love will never stop...even when my run, my walk, becomes a crawl.

"What if I stumble, What if I fall? What if I loose my step and I make fools of us all? Will the love continue when my walk becomes a crawl? What if I stumble? What if I fall?" -DC Talk